I want to scream...
and cry and beat my fists on the ground.
I want to throw something...
into the ground and watch it shatter.
I am pissed.  I am so very very angry.
How dare she do this.
How dare she put me through this.
How dare she put her daughter through this.
How dare she break her father's already damaged heart.
I don't have the shoulders to carry this.
I don't have the strength to hold everyone up.
I can't stand to see her lying there.
I can't look into her lifeless eyes.
I can't bear the outcome.
I am terrified to hope.
I am terrified to let go.
I can't do this again.