Hands Up?

Worship.
I just came from a short but great weekend at Spokane's Women of Faith Conference.
It was a wonderful experience. The singing, laughing, and (shock) crying with 12,000 other women certainly had it's benefits.

My friend, Katy, goes with a group of her friends from Spokane. They have coined a term for those women who seem to think that standing up, singing out-loud or (heaven forbid) raising your hands in worship is a straight shot to burn. That term is "The Frozen Chosen".
These women are easily spotted. When a crowd of women gets up to "groove" with Nicole C Mullen (and she CAN groove), they don't move an inch. Very mannequin-like.
I EASILY pass judgement on these TFC's. Make my righteous little "tsk-tsk" and roll my saintly eyes upward...then look around to see what every one else is doing before I get into my own "groove", so as not to stand out. How have I made "whenever two or more are gathered in my name..." become a distraction to worship?

I'm not always that way. There are rare moments when I am in the presence of G*d and am oblivious of the things around me. I don't know, nor do I care if anyone sees or hears me . I am not there for them, I am there for my Father.

So why do I deem it a performance when I feel need to react in a physical manner to the movings of the Holy Spirit? Am I so worried about what others think of me? Apparently. I suffer the same affliction with prayer. Vocal community prayer. The kind where you're in a room of 30 women and someone from across the room asks, in front of everyone, if you would like to say a prayer. I don't think I have ever given a dirtier look in public or come so close to having my heart explode (not in a good way).

Am I terrified of being "seen"? Am I afraid my inexperience or lack of knowlege or...my flaws...will show? Funny, I think most people know more about me than I do. Maybe I am just afraid that I will see them.

I don't want to be a "Frozen Chosen". I want to put into practice the lyrics to the song "I'm Free" by Won by One. I want to worship freely. Without worry. With my heart. In whatever audible or physical form that it may manifest. Hands held high, on rickety non-bending knees, looking to the heavens, face to the floor, or just sitting in a chair. My heart going out to the Lord is what I need to be concerned about. Not how it's getting there.