Hands Up?

Worship.
I just came from a short but great weekend at Spokane's Women of Faith Conference.
It was a wonderful experience. The singing, laughing, and (shock) crying with 12,000 other women certainly had it's benefits.

My friend, Katy, goes with a group of her friends from Spokane. They have coined a term for those women who seem to think that standing up, singing out-loud or (heaven forbid) raising your hands in worship is a straight shot to burn. That term is "The Frozen Chosen".
These women are easily spotted. When a crowd of women gets up to "groove" with Nicole C Mullen (and she CAN groove), they don't move an inch. Very mannequin-like.
I EASILY pass judgement on these TFC's. Make my righteous little "tsk-tsk" and roll my saintly eyes upward...then look around to see what every one else is doing before I get into my own "groove", so as not to stand out. How have I made "whenever two or more are gathered in my name..." become a distraction to worship?

I'm not always that way. There are rare moments when I am in the presence of G*d and am oblivious of the things around me. I don't know, nor do I care if anyone sees or hears me . I am not there for them, I am there for my Father.

So why do I deem it a performance when I feel need to react in a physical manner to the movings of the Holy Spirit? Am I so worried about what others think of me? Apparently. I suffer the same affliction with prayer. Vocal community prayer. The kind where you're in a room of 30 women and someone from across the room asks, in front of everyone, if you would like to say a prayer. I don't think I have ever given a dirtier look in public or come so close to having my heart explode (not in a good way).

Am I terrified of being "seen"? Am I afraid my inexperience or lack of knowlege or...my flaws...will show? Funny, I think most people know more about me than I do. Maybe I am just afraid that I will see them.

I don't want to be a "Frozen Chosen". I want to put into practice the lyrics to the song "I'm Free" by Won by One. I want to worship freely. Without worry. With my heart. In whatever audible or physical form that it may manifest. Hands held high, on rickety non-bending knees, looking to the heavens, face to the floor, or just sitting in a chair. My heart going out to the Lord is what I need to be concerned about. Not how it's getting there.

40

Well here it is. The big 4-0.
It was an age that I was not looking forward to. Wasn't sure I wanted it to come.
But it has. It is here. And it came with a gift that I wasn't expecting.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said,
" A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature"

He followed with,
" It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them"

What an incredibly insightful man he was.

I recieved many wonderful gifts for my 40th birthday. But it wasn't the money, the cards, the coloring books, crayons, hat, sign, t-shirt, dinner or absolutely fabulous surprise trip to Disneyland that I put at the top of my list.

It is the beautiful and wonderful God-breathed friends that I hold dear to my heart. The people who are genuine and loving and give of themselves selflessly. Those who would lie to someone for 8 months just to bring them 3 days of joy. Those who dig deep into their pockets for someone whose pockets are a little shallow. Those who set their internet explorer for an alarm just so they can call and say Happy Birthday on that special day. Those who would call just to make fun of that certain age.

For all of my friends. My FRIENDS. I thank God that he has given me such a beautiful and wonderful gift. None other shall ever surpass the gift of your friendship.
Thank you, and I love you.

When I Grow Up

My how time flies when you're having fun.
I made a list when I was in kindergarten, or first grade, about what I wanted to be when I grew up. On that list, in careful 1st grade penmanship, are the following occupations.
1. Singer
2. Artist
3. Writer
Now this list took a slightly different turn when I was in 4th grade. Mrs. Kahler's class, Kenroy. Some assignment about where you were going to be in the year 2000. My previous list was added to:
4. Teacher
5. Baker
Oh, and I always thought that I would be married with children. I wanted twins. (imagine that?)


I took a look at this list not long ago. It made me very sad to think of what, in my little innocent wide eyed enthusiasm, I thought that I could do with my life. None, absolutely none, of this had come to fruition.

I flipped these things over and over in my head. Words came to mind. Stupid. Naive. Wishful. Dreamer. All of which had a very negative connotation. Had I accomplished none of what my little heart wanted?

Then, almost like a slow sunrise, a realization crept into the darkness of my self pity.

Yes. Yes I HAD accomplished not one or two, but ALL of the items on my list. How odd that I hadn't seen it until just that moment.

1. Singer: I sing every Sunday morning and Sunday night and many other times through the week in praise to God, the only audience I need.

2. Artist: I have helped dress, paint, draw and decorate many stage sets, rooms, and events.

3. Writer: I blog...

4. Teacher: I have helped teach for the last 16 years children from 3 to 18 on Sundays and Wednesdays.

5. Baker: I have cooked and baked in the kitchen for Sunday evenings and church events.

As for being married? I have been "wife" several times over for friends and families and as for being a mom? Well, that too has crossed my path.

So, why couldn't I see all of these things? Because I was looking at them through worldly eyes and comparing them to the world's version of what these things should be. Instead, I should have been looking through the eyes of my Father. I have been able to accomplish all, for they have all been in service to God and His kingdom.

Hmmm, So I guess my childish heart was taken care of. My wishes, hopes and dreams cared for by the "One who knows my Heart".
Thank you Father, for showing me how you have held up the dreams of an innocent little girl.