The love of a Mother

I love my Mother. I really do.
I just can't stand her.

Ok. So I know how God has said to honor your Mother and your Father...but I am having a bit of a problem with this. The Dad thing isn't so bad because I never see him. Oh I run into him at the grocery store or Costco, but I stand and make idle chat and then leave. It's all really superficial.
My Mother, well, that's another story.

I have a movie, a home-made movie, that I purchased from a Disney internet site. The movie is of a couple of shows of Bill Hill and the Hillbillies in DisneyLand.
The movement is jerky and the sound has much room for improvement. And it makes me laugh the whole time. I sing with the songs, and I find that I smile through the whole presentation. It's fun.
So (stupid me) I thought that I would bring it over to my Grandmother's house while my Mother is here and let her watch it and experience some of the joy.
I was wrong.

I am sure that she was a fun and happy person at some point in time...like maybe when she was 5. But take fun, happiness, joy, carefreeness (is that a word?), and any other airy, dreamy or whispy characteristic and mush them all together. Then take a rock and pound until all crinkled and crushed, then ignite and burn until nothing but ash.
That's my Mom.

I guess I have trouble understanding the toll hatred and bitterness can take on the human heart, the life of a soul.
How sad that she can't see past the barrier that she has built for herself.
Now I know that most people have some sort of barrier. I have one myself..that I am chipping away at. However my Mother's barrier is made of steel and barbed wire. It is cold and gray and hard. It brings in no warmth or light.

Maybe someday she can know what it is like to have the heart of a child. To love, smile, laugh, and have her soul filled with joy.

I wish that for my Mother.
Because I love her.