cleaning house...part II

I feel that I am in a losing battle...with myself because you see,
I went camping.

I was cleaning my house, had not yet gotten to my car. And I was going camping.
Seeing as how I had to haul up my various outdoorsy attire, I had to be able to fit it into my rig.
...and that wasn't happening until I cleaned out my trooper. Hmmm.
Do you see my dilemma? Maybe not, but my trooper was full of stuff that, like my house, I am reluctant to let go of.
Soooo....
What did I do with all of the stuff that has been my constant traveling companion?
Most of it went into my living room.

Funny. I relate my house and my car to my current mental/spiritual/emotional state.
It's interesting that when I clean up one area, I justify messing it up again in the name of clearing out another.

In other words, I am not really cleaning.
I am just moving my junk around to:
1) Make room for even MORE junk, and
2) Try to make something clean when all I have done is just make it LOOK clean.
Interesting.

What lies do you believe

In a recent Ladies Bible Study class that I attend, I was asked this question: "What lies do you believe? "
Hmmm. This is not a very easy question for me to answer. In fact I find it nearly impossible.
I have not been in the habit of life-long self evaluation, although in the last few months I have been faced with this inner-observation type of questioning more and more.
What lies do I believe.
Isn't this an oxy-moron? If I knew they were lies, why would I believe them? If I believe them, then chances are I have no clue that there is little or no truth to them.
Now, I know what the author is digging for here. I'm not ignorant to the fact. Yet, I still was having trouble pinning something down.
Can you believe a lie so inherently that it becomes truth? Yes. I believe you can.
So I guess the better question is: "What truths do you believe that are not conducive to your well-being and overall emotional state?"
It doesn't sound as poetic but I think it better reflects my thought process.
What truths do I believe?

I believe that I will never be married because no one will ever want to be that close to me.
I believe that I try desperately to make people think that I am emotionally strong and that I don't care what other people think of me.
I believe that if I am busy, I won't hurt so much.
I believe that if I continue to stay over-weight, then I can blame my weight for me not being attractive to anyone.
I believe that I am not good enough to be a wife or mother.
I believe that if I am funny then people won't notice my other shortcomings.
I believe that people who pay compliments to me are doing so out of pity.

These are my truths. I did not write them to instill an outpouring of pity or a barrage of compliments or whatever.
In fact, I would actually prefer any readers to not address me in person regarding this post.
I'm not very good at face to face conversations with personal things like this. I'm actually pretty lazy when it comes to uncovering these precious little treasures and I'm ok with that. At least for now.