Self Prophetic

Isn't it funny when you set out to do something, like-say...start blogging, and you make a comment not unlike the one in my one and only previous post regarding keeping up with the posting-and then don't?
Silly silly silly.
The story of my life.

You know what? My life gets in the way of me. That doesn't sound right, doesn't look right.
But it is correct. It has always been that way. My life comes first. I come second.
What vast array of particles make up "My Life"?
Work. Church. Family. Friends. Finances. Duty. Responsibility. Expectation. Grief. Pain. Joy.
Exhaustion. Laziness. Happiness. Sadness.
I am sure that I could come up with more splintered pieces of the puzzle that is "My Life".
But that is just what it says. It is My Life. The one thing that is missing is Me.

I have a friend who found "me" a couple of years ago.

Now, I don't know if you know anything about structural integrity, I don't know much. But what I do know is this; it only takes a small crack in the foundation to bring down a giant of a structure.
The structure in this case is years of self-vows, hiding, constant chastising and unworthiness.
These have been my constant companions over much of 31 years. Sad, but I am comfortable here. I know my way around. I have laid brick upon brick, diligently glued together with the best mortar I know: emotional self-preservation.

Funny thing this building. Before long you may come to realize that the structure you have built has become your prison. No way in, no way out. But like I said, this is where I am comfortable.

Yet I have a friend. A friend who is not satisfied with seeing me through prison walls. A friend who cannot accept that the structure he is looking at is actually me. A friend who has taken the time to chisel away at the foundation of what I have passed off as me.

I still have a long way to go before the last brick has fallen and I have found better companions to live with. I am unsure what shape or form "me" is taking, but I know that this has been, and will continue to be, a slow painful process.

I am new to "me".

Thank you Dan, for the sweat of your brow and blistered hands.